People define self-harm in lots of different ways. Usually, self-harm is defined as someone deliberately hurting themselves without wanting to die. It is sometimes called deliberate self-injury or non-suicidal self-injury. Engaging in self-harm may not mean that someone wants to die. It is a behaviour that is used to cope with difficult or painful feelings.
Self-harm is relatively common. Research shows that about 1% of Australians have self-harmed within the last month and about 8% have self-harmed in their lifetime. Most people start self-harming as a teenager or young adult. It can continue for many years and become a habit that is difficult to stop.
Examples of self-harm may include:
- Cutting the skin with sharp objects
- Taking an overdose of medication or drinking poison
- Burning the skin
- Hitting the body with fists or another object
- Punching walls or other objects
- Scratching or picking the skin, resulting in bleeding or welts
- Pulling out hairs
People from all different backgrounds, lifestyles and ages may self-harm as a way of coping with problems, including men and women.
The following are some factors associated with self-harm:
- A crisis or recent difficult life event (e.g. death of a loved one, relationship breakdown, difficulties at home or school, recent abuse or violence)
- Depression, anxiety or another mental health issue
- Misusing alcohol or drugs
- Trauma or abuse in childhood
- Physical illness or disability
- Peer pressure
People who self-harm find it difficult to talk about their feelings so they may use self-harm to express their emotions. They often hide their behaviour (e.g. wearing long sleeves, covering scars) and are not usually trying to gain attention or manipulate others.
Self-harm is usually not the same as a suicide attempt. However, self-harm may sometimes lead to a serious medical emergency. Also, people who self-harm are more likely to have had suicidal thoughts or to have previously attempted suicide, and over time may be at increased risk for dying by suicide. If life is in danger get help. Call 111.
Self-harm can be linked to a mental illness such as anxiety, depression and others. It is important to get help for any mental health problems in order to help with the self-harm. Self-harm may be used for:
- Deal with or stop negative emotions or pain, such as feeling sad, angry, upset, guilty or scared
- Release tension or a build-up of emotions
- Relieve feelings of loneliness or isolation
- Punish themselves for something they’ve done, or something perceived as their fault
- Feel “alive” or “real” or combat feelings of numbness
- Feel more in control of their life
- Communicate to people that you need some support when you feel unable to use words.
- Talk to someone you trust - Although it can be hard, it’s important to find someone to talk to about your feelings and your self-harming behaviours. Try and explain why you self-harm and if it is someone close to you make sure they know that it’s not their fault.If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a family member or friend, you can try your doctor, a counsellor, teacher or call a crisis line, like Lifeline.
- Recognise when you do and don’t self-harm - It can be helpful to identify the usual times, places and feelings you have when you self-harm and the times when you are least likely to do it. Recognising the things that trigger self-harm can help you avoid those situations.
- Distract yourself - When you feel the need to self-harm, it can help to wait 15 minutes and see if the urge goes away. Try to focus on other things, such as taking some deep breaths, taking a shower, reading a book or having something to eat or drink. Try things that take your mind off negative thoughts and keep you busy in a positive way.
- Write it down - Keeping a diary to express your emotions can help you vent your feelings and cope better with negative thoughts. It can also help you to recognise the feelings that lead to self-harm.
- Get Help - Visit your GP. They can help you to find someone who specialises in helping people who self-harm, such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor or other health professional.
Supporting someone who self-harms can be tough. You may find it difficult to understand why they do it and find it upsetting or distressing.
Here are a few tips for helping someone who has harmed themselves:
- When you talk to the person, try to be calm, open and honest. Try not to be judgmental, shocked or take their behaviour personally. Try and see the situation from their point of view and understand why they engage in self-harm.
- Let the person know that you support them and listen to them express their feelings.
- Help the person make a plan about what to do when they feel like self-harming. This will help the person feel supported, safe and more in control of their situation.
- Encourage the person to get support from health professionals like their GP or mental health professional and offer to go with them to their appointments if they are scared or uncomfortable.
- Don’t forget to look after yourself. Helping someone who self-harms can be draining and upsetting, so get support and look after your physical and emotional needs too.
Key Contacts
Being a teenager is exciting, challenging, and confusing. Dating is one of the most awesome things about being a teen. Your teen years are a time when you find your place in the world and are faced with a lot of challenges.
Although dating can be fun and exciting, it can create issues. You may have difficulty deciding if you want to date just one person or go out with lots of people.
You may feel rejected by someone you ask out and they turn you down. You may have fights with your partner. You might be bullied and abused by your partner ... you might feel hurt, or could hurt your partner if one of you decides to end the relationship. There are no simple solutions. Learning how to deal with these issues is one of the challenges of dating.
Teenagers can often misinterpret abusive and violent behaviour as a show of love. Hitting, yelling, threatening, name-calling, and using and hurting you sexually isn't love!
Here are a few of the warning signs to help parents and teens recognise abuse in a dating relationship:
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend . . .
- monopolise your time and attention, and prevent you from hanging out with friends and family?
- check up on you, make you check in with them, go through your cellphone?
- act extremely jealous or possessive, want to know where you’ve been and who you’ve been with, accuse you of cheating on them?
- use aggressive behaviour in other areas of their life (punches holes in walls, gets into fights)?
- hit, kick, push, shove, punch, slap, hold you down, treat you roughly?
- blame you for bringing out the worst in them, convince you it’s all your fault, blame you for how they feel or act?
- make you feel you can’t do anything right, and no one else would want you?
- tell you how to dress or how much makeup to wear, growl you for wearing your hair a certain way?
- isolate you from family and friends?
- embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends?
- have an explosive temper or dual personality?
- use drugs or alcohol excessively?
- put down your accomplishments or goals?
- use intimidation or threats to get their way?
- threaten to hurt you or somebody you care about?
- pressure you into having sex or going further than you want to?
- break things or throw stuff at you?
- make you feel there is no way out of the relationship?
- threaten suicide if you break up?
- try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere to teach you a lesson?
- have a history of abuse in their family?
- call you names and use verbal abuse to intimidate you?
- bring you flowers and act romantic after each violent argument and promise never to hurt you again?
A teenager may respond to these impacts of violence by experiencing:
- Anger, aggression and lashing out
- Trouble sleeping, nightmares, and chronic tiredness
- Anxiety, depression and panic
- Alcohol or drug misuse
- Self-harming behaviour
- Difficulties with school and disengaging from school
- Avoidance of social situations or avoiding home
Unhealthy or violent relationships can have severe short and long-term effects on a developing teen. For example, youth who are victims of teen dating violence are more likely to:
- Experience symptoms of depression and anxiety
- Engage in unhealthy behaviours, like using tobacco, drugs, and alcohol
- Think about suicide
- Keep a dated record of the abuse … no matter how minor it seems
- Don't meet your partner alone or let him/her in your home or car when you're alone
- Avoid being alone at school, work and on the way to and from places
- Vary your routes and times of travel to and from home, school and work
- Tell someone where you're going and when you'll be back and plan and rehearse what you'll do if your partner confronts you or becomes abusive
- Most importantly: think of your own physical safety! Reach out for help to family, friends, police, counsellors or a family violence prevention provider.
Remember, you cannot change the behaviour of another person!
- To relieve stress or bad feelings
- Social influence
- To feel closer to their mates, peer pressure
- Out of curiosity
- To feel more in control
- Out of hopelessness
Illicit drugs are never safe.
They can affect your health, social life, work, school, friends and family.
Drugs affect your central nervous system. As a young person, your brain is still growing and won’t be fully formed until your mid-20s. Taking drugs affects your developing brain by:
- damaging connections within the brain
- reducing your ability to experience pleasure or reward
- causing memory and learning problems
- making it hard to control impulses
Sometimes intoxicated people may find themselves in dangerous situations. Being intoxicated increases the risk of being a victim or a perpetrator of sexual harassment, assault or rape and violence. Sexual assault can happen anywhere, for example, parties or celebrations for events where there are lots of people, people you don’t know or people you have just met.
- Forcing someone to engage in sexual activity is a crime.
- When someone is intoxicated they do not have the capacity to give consent and cannot legally consent to sexual activity.
- You can withdraw consent at any time during sexual activity, even after prolonged periods.
- The age of consent is 16 years.
- If a person has diminished capacity (e.g. learning disability) they are not able to give consent.
- Date rape is a crime.
- Both males and females can be victims and/or perpetrators of sexual assault.
- Sexual assault is never the fault of the victim.
- Drink spiking is a crime. Drink spiking may be done as a ‘joke’ or with the purpose of sexual assault. The drug most often used to spike a drink is alcohol.
Some things to consider:
- You can have a good time without drinking alcohol or taking drugs. Remember – the safest choice is not to take drugs at all.
- Keep your wits about you, and trust your own judgement or gut instinct. If a situation doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
- Stay close to friends you trust, and remember ‘mates look after mates’, keep an eye out for each other.
- If you are faced with a situation that could possibly get violent, walk away.
- When entering and exiting a venue or event, take note of conditions of entry e.g. lockout times, pass outs and excessive queues, as you may not be able to get back in.
- Remember to stay hydrated by drinking 500-600ml of water over each hour, when you’re active.
- Take regular breaks from dancing to chill out and cool down.
- The stimulant effects of amphetamines or caffeine (like in energy drinks), can mask the depressant effect of alcohol and can make you feel less drunk than you are and can increase the risk of overdose and you may take more risks.
- To avoid drink spiking, watch your drinks being poured if possible, don’t leave your drink unattended and don’t accept drinks from a stranger. The most common form of drink spiking is alcohol. If a friend appears to have been drink-spiked don’t leave them alone. Assist them to get medical attention.
- Think about what you post on social media… what is safe, legal and not crossing the line. Posting pictures of people who are unconscious or containing nudity without their permission is not ok.
- Seek help immediately if you are worried about yourself or someone else. Remember that every second counts, so react fast and head to first aid for help if at a festival or call an ambulance on triple one 111.
- Never get in a car if the driver has been drinking or taking drugs.
- Accepting a lift from a stranger, including someone you have just met, can be unsafe. If you do plan on getting a lift with someone you have just met, tell a friend and give them the details.
- If you have driven your own car and end up drinking or taking drugs leave your car where it is and find a safe way home with friends, in a taxi, ride share or on public transport.
- If you get stuck, consider calling a sober friend or parent. They may be annoyed, but they will be happier to know you get home safely.
- If your phone is about to run out of battery, let someone know what time to expect you home.
Bullying is when people repeatedly and intentionally use words or actions against someone or a group of people to cause distress and risk to their wellbeing. People who do it usually have more influence or power over someone else, or want to make someone else feel less powerful or helpless.
Common feelings include:
- ashamed that this is happening to you
- hopeless and stuck and can't get out of the situation
- like it is your fault
- alone, like there is no one to help you
- like you don't fit in with the cool group
- depressed and rejected by your friends and other groups of people
- unsafe and afraid
- confused about why this is happening to you
- stressed about what to do.
Telling someone shares the problem. It helps you feel supported.
Bullying is not ok, ever!
It is really important to tell someone, particularly if the bullying has been going on for a while or the strategies you've tried haven't worked.
- Talk to your friends—they can help you tell a teacher or your parents or just to feel better.
- Talk to your parents—tell them the 'who, what, when and where' of what's been happening.
- Talk to your teacher or another staff member—tell them the 'who, what, when and where'. If you don't want to do this where others might hear you, make an excuse to see the teacher about something else, for example, your homework, and talk in private.
- If you can't talk to someone face-to-face, Kids Helpline have online chat and email or you can phone on 1800 55 1800.
Don't be afraid to tell an adult.
Who should you tell?
You could tell your parents, teacher, school counsellor, school nurse, coach or any adult you trust. If you tell an adult and you don't think they are doing anything about the bullying or if the situation isn't improving, tell another adult. Keep telling adults until someone does something to help.
At school
Your school has a responsibility to ensure you have a safe learning environment free from violence, harassment and bullying. Your principal, teachers and school staff need to know about bullying so they can deal with it quickly.
Being bullied is hurtful, scary and confusing. When bullying is aggressive and physical, it can be dangerous. When it’s emotional – like name-calling, or cyberbullying – it’s easy to feel alone.
If you’re being bullied or see someone being bullied, here are some things to do:
- Try to stay calm.
- Don’t let hurtful words beat you down.
- Be a friend - listen, support and speak up (especially if the situation is unsafe).
- Tell them to stop.
- Say nothing and walk away…if you need to, run away!
- Remember – bullies might be in pain, too.
- Get off the internet! Avoid checking the internet (even though you want to).
- Delete accounts where you are bullied. Take a screenshot so that you can share it with your parents or others for evidence and support.
- Don’t respond to online bullies – getting into online conversations/chats can make you feel worse.
- Brush it off with humour.
- Tell someone you trust – friend, parent, teacher, and mentor.
- Avoid “problematic areas” – areas around the neighbourhood or school where bullying can happen.
- Safety in numbers - keep yourself surrounded by people.
- Spend more time with people who make you feel good about yourself (we like this one!).
- Don’t become a bully yourself. If you have – don’t give in to anger; don’t give in to peer pressure. If you can, be a friend – say sorry.
- Ask adults to listen. Tell them, “It’s important.”
- Recognise the signs of depression - sadness, wanting to be alone, poor concentration, sleeping problems, and difficulty in school.
- If you’re feeling very sad or unsafe – always, always find help (best to find a trusted adult).
- If you do not know who to talk to and you feel like you want to hurt yourself - Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800.273.8255.
These strategies should only be tried if you are not in any immediate danger of being physically hurt and you feel confident you can do them.
- Ignore the bullying—turn your back and walk away.
- Act unimpressed or pretend you don't care what they say or do to you. You could say 'Okay, whatever' and walk away.
- Say 'No' or 'Just stop it' firmly.
- Try using 'fogging' to distract or discourage the person without making them annoyed. Fogging means making a joke or funny comment that makes the other person think you don't care about what they say, or pretending to agree with them so they have nothing to bother you about. For example, you could casually say something general like, "Yeah, that's the way it is", or "Okay, since I'm so …. (using the person's bullying words); I'll cope. I better just go then, bye."
He maurea kai whiria! - maintain focus on what’s important even in the face of great complexity.
If you are a young person involved in an abusive relationship, you need to remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened. Abuse is not just physical. It can also be verbal, emotional, or sexual.
Staff who work for this service:
- Listen
- Are non-judgmental
- Will provide you with information and options so you can make informed decisions
- Educate and support you to practice non-violent behaviour
If you want help or support, you can drop in, telephone, text or email to book in a visit with one of our staff.